Post-Partum Something

Ever since the reading of my play last Friday, I have been completely out of sync with my body and surroundings. Granted I’ve felt similar to this before—thinking it’s Thursday when it’s Tuesday, completely forgetting appointments I had, etc.—but this is even weirder. My whole body has been off center and out of whack this whole time.

Yes a big part of it happened right after the reading. My friend Sarah drove me to Newburyport and back, but going back was nuts. We were laughing all the way back at too many stories she had, stopped off at a drive through Burger King because Sonic was on the other side of Route 1 and fuck trying to U-turn. I was already way off my diabetic diet concerns with the peanut M&Ms all through the read, so a double cheeseburger and fries would only hasten my death a few minutes more, so why not. It felt like one of those late-late nights out when you desperately need food (especially a Ray’s Original Sicilian slice anywhere in NYC or Buzzy’s Roast Beef at 3am in Boston), except it wasn’t even 11pm yet. Even when I got home, I was up until 130am, which I hardly ever do now. On Saturday, I woke up (barely) feeling like I had a hangover—even without drinking—and spent the day slogging around trying to do errands. Basically I was a wreck most of the weekend.

I knew I had to get some sleep for work on Monday because my shifts were 8-5 for the week, meaning getting up an hour earlier. Of course my body was no cooperating and I had one of the worst night’s sleep I’ve ever had—and that’s saying something. Monday comes, and I manage to get into work fine; at work, my first day of the week at a new office, I’m trying to stay awake the whole time. I was a wreck but thank god it was a slow day or I’d be done for. I thought I’d be okay for Tuesday, but my stomach had other plans for me. It wasn’t a full blown sickness, but just off enough to ruin the day. I was moving at half-speed (at least) trying to keep up with work. Thank god for decaf herbal tea; kept me functional through the day. I couldn’t even get to the gym this week. Usually I go Mondays and Fridays with a day in between thrown in the middle somewhere; this week I felt too weak to step to it. Lately I can motivate myself to go on days I’m tired and wind up energized, but not this week. Just too out of it to go.

A friend of mine answered a Facebook comment I wrote summing up the disjointed past few days, replying “You gave birth! You SHOULD be wiped out” Suddenly it all made sense. Yeah this is a serious post-partum depression from getting through the reading itself. I mean everything for the last five months was leading up to it, and I literally had no plan on what to do after. Shopping was an afterthought, and I’m trying to get to the gym? I’m exhausted from exhaling, physically worn out from getting to this point, and am simply dazed after the fact. That actually made so much sense. Granted I’m still a bit out of it, knowing what it’s from is extremely helpful in fixing it.

First World Problems

The good news is I don’t have strep throat. The bad news is my allergies have hit insanely bad heights. My allergies were acting up last week; on Sunday I thought it was becoming a cold because of the roughness in my throat. I think I already got Sophia sick the next day that she stayed home from school, but I was feeling better… until last night when I thought my left eye was going to combust in the socket, while simultaneously oozing mucus. When I woke up this morning with a more painful sore throat I went to the local clinic, because the last thing a food delivery person needs is strep throat. No strep—who knew they had a 7 minutes strep test? The last time I got tested for step I had to wait a day and a half—but an allergic reaction that has overcome all of my systems. I swear the left side of my head—not sinuses, nose or ear, but the whole head from crown to shoulder—is stuffed up. It sucks. But yeah, I know that there are nations on this planet where I wouldn’t make it past the Sunday sore throat. So yeah it sucks, but I’ll manage.

Sophia had her first world problem today, too. I got a call on the answering machine letting me know that she made the next step in the Red Sox Scholarship award. This means out of he 100 or so people who applied for it, 26 students were picked to be interviewed in person. That happens April 23 at Fenway Park, which is cool in itself. However that was the weekend I was tryign to get up to Canada so Sophia could see her baby nephew. We were trying to go for his first birthday this month, but Sophia’s brother wouldn’t be there until April. So I found the perfect time to go during April vacation and after a bunch of doctor appointments, and now this got in the way. So the bad news is we have to push the Canada trip back to May. The good news is Sophia made the next step to get a scholastic scholarship.

All and all things are okay.

Thank God It’s Thursday

I’m so glad it’s a long weekend, because I need to recoup. I’m still dealing with the cold, but now sort of the aftermath of it. I’m sore from coughing so it hurts to sneeze, cough or breathe heavily. I’m exhausted and Sophia isbored in the house. At least I have a little time to sleep which I hope I can put to good use. I tried so far but with mixed results. One of the many reasons I hate being sick. I’ll feel better when I’m back to work and not dozing on the couch.

Sick Daze

I’ve had a cold since late Monday and I’m doing my usual OD-ing on Dayquil/Nyquil to cope. I hate being sick. I may have mentioned it before but I hate it. I don’t like feeling lethargic and still not being able to get enough rest to feel better, and I hate feeling loopy enough to only be able to watch TV yet cognizant enough to be aware of all that ‘m doing is sitting on my ass for the day. I was given the day off anyway from the job (it’s slow leading up to the holiday), so that helps; but I would rather be working than doing nothing. I remember one time in college that I was so sick and delirious that I wasn’t able to do much of anything, but I traveled from my girlfriend’s house in Rego Park Queens to the Upper West Side of NYC to see my mom that weekend because I was scheduled to see her that weekend rather than go to my dad’s house and collapse in Jackson Heights Queens. I remember waking in my mom’s apartment in the middle of the night with a vague idea how I got there, but mo real idea what was going on. I’m not that bad right now, but a couple of entries ago I said my brain was somewhere near 10% ability; I think I’m at 5% or 6% now (that time traveling I know I was at 1%).

Still I hate feeling phlegmy, tired, and sluggish all the time. Trying to suck it up and feel better. On the positive side, I was able to watch Miller’s Crossing on demand for free. Love that film.