Pumpkin Spice Hell Is Over, The War For Christmas (Shoppers) Begins

Almost immediately after being inundated with everything fall being falsely equated with pumpkins (PUMPKIN SPICE BAGELS???? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?), now we have to endure Christmas 24/7 for the next two months. I haven’t seen decorations in the stores yet, which is unusual for East Boston this time of year, but maybe I’m not paying attention (part of that whole being in a fog thing). However I saw my first obnoxious Christmas commercial the other day. So I need to say this for me, but I’m sure there are others out there that feel the same way.

Big Lots, YOU HAD TO USE Satana’s “Black Magic Woman” FOR A HOLIDAY JINGLE??? REALLY?!?!? YOU COULDN’T JUST FUCK UP A BRITANY SPEARS OR DRAKE SONG, YOU HAD TO TRY AND RUIN A CLASSIC?!?!??!? YOU HAVE TAKEN THE MOST OVER-COMMERCIALIZED SEASON EVER AND MADE IT THAT MUCH WORSE!!!!!! WELL IT GUARANTEES I WILL NOT SHOP IN YOUR STORES EVER!!!!

There is a war for Christmas but it’s not the kind Fox News whines about. It’s the one Charlie Brown has been talking about for 50 years since the Peanuts Christmas Special came out (yeah this year is the 50th Anniversary of the Christmas special. THAT’S cool). We don’t need to argue about taking Christ out of Christmas; it was taken out decades ago and replaced with a white tag sale and a catchy jingle (ONE THAT ISN’T SANTANA!). The war is for who will get the most shoppers in their stores as soon as possible. I will not get caught up in it. I will not shop on Black Friday or Small Store Saturday or Online Tuesday or whatever day they pick after Thanksgiving (WHICH HASN’T EVEN HAPPENED YET) to plug as a day to get people into to buy shit. For the last few years, my daughter has been most excited about the Christmas gifts that I make for her myself, and it will stay that way for the foreseeable future. Any of you retailers have a problem with that, talk to me after New Years.