July 25, 2018

Dearest Sophia,

I hope this letter finds you well in Montreal. I know you would much rather be down here bearing witness to this Second Civil War, but not even Boston is a good place for a teen who would identify as “Fake Media.” It was not an easy decision for a father to make but definitely a prudent one. It is better you are with your brother James and his family in the relative safety of the Northern lands with the chocolate dipped ice cream and poutine.

I am well. Not too much danger in the Green Zone of the Greater Boston/Metro West loop, but I fear for a lot of those in the dark lands between Worcester and Springfield. Not many venture past the 495 connectors, but those who do have returned with harrowing stories often set upon by roving hordes of people in wife beaters and red MAGA hats. Most are armed with improvised Harpoon IPA molotovs and bats wrapped with barbed wire (makes me wish Walking Dead wasn’t SO popular). Some are armed with guns, but aren’t very good shots if you’re lucky. Some are, and we’ve had a few casualties shot squarely in the ass. Some gang members from Dorchester and Roxbury are planning manneuvers to drive their numbers down sometime soon. They have been called “the 2nd 54th” after the first Civil War all Black regiment. I would love to see it but have other things to take care of. A number of us drivers from Mass and Vermont will blockade the last of Central Mass’ supply pipeline from New Hampshire. This would be the last of the holes to plug that would starve their supplies. We know their alcohol supplies are running low and most Massholes can’t shoot straight sober, so this would give us Easties and chance to push further west. We are hopeful.

Your brother Billy is doing fine as you have no doubt heard. His band of Antifa LARPers have been pushing wide swaths further and further south. They have met up with an active group of cosplayers in Rhode Island and have a lot of luck pushing down through Central Connecticut. There is talk of him teaming up with the NYC LARPs and cosplayers to take all of Jersey and parts of Pennsylvania. Listen for the action sometime in August. I know that’s when we’d normally do Boston ComicCon, but they’ve been mobilized that giant push. I don’t think the Dumpsters are mentally prepared to get their heads handed to them by hundreds of nerds in steampunk outfits, handmade Avengers’ costumes, and boffer swords. It should be pretty glorious to hear.

I got your care package. Thank you for the Deathstroke and Darth Vader bobbleheads. They look very good with our already growing collection. Love you much and hope we can be reunited soon at some point when democracy can overcome the crazy. Until then, please write again soon and say hi to Noah and the family.

Love always,

Dad.

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