Day 4 of my positivity challenge. On Facebook, I spend five days listing five things you are grateful for each day and tag three people to do the same. I’m enjoying this though it can be daunting for some topics. Overall pretty good.

  1. Jolene C.: I am one of those rare people who is unlucky in cards and love. A lot of my relationships were with the wrong person—emotionally and psychologically—because that’s what I tend to attract, and get hurt big time. Those that were good people for me I wound up sabotaging or pushing them away because I didn’t know what I was doing, and I probably hurt them (and later on me). Other times I break my own heart thinking something might go somewhere but they don’t think of me in that way, which also hurts. Every time I think I’m destined to not be with anyone, I’m reminded that I did have one relationship that worked for a short while. I met Jolene online while in grad school and we dated for about a year. It was long distance but we did get together for a couple of weeks over he summer in her home state of Ohio. It came at a time when I was already wounded from a relationship from years before and it was one that did heal me. It was sweet, caring, communicative, honest, and something I can aspire to in a relationship. We broke up amicably but we lost touch years ago. I know she’s married now with three kids, and I hope she’s happy. I’m grateful for that time with her because it gives me some hope for the future; that I’m not completely hopeless and if I was able to manage a relationship once before, I can do it again.
  2. Classic rock music: I was born in ’69 and pretty much missed everything in terms of good rock music. When I found my dad’s vinyl copy of Meet The Beatles, I was pretty much hooked. I got my friends into them as well and that was pretty much the end for me musically. I got hooked on Jimi Hendrix listening to Third Stone From the Sun on WNEW radio in NYC sleep deprived and somewhere in between asleep and awake—probably the best way to experience Jimi. My cousin got me hooked on Skynard listening to his tape of Street Survivors—with the flames on the cover—down in my dad’s basement. My default music is anything 12-bar blues based rock from the ’60s and ’70s. The Who, Cream, Bruce Springsteen, Elvis Costello, The Clash, The Ramones, The Undertones, The Kinks, Pink Floyd, Bad Brains, Joe Jackson and Carlos Santana are all on my playlists in one form or another. I’m completely out of touch with any pop songs from the ’80s on, and I’m really grateful for that musical education.
  3. I’m a Liberal: Yeah, I said it. Fuck you all who think it’s a bad thing. I’m on the side of the Minutemen (the 1776-78 guys, not the militia now), abolitionists, suffragettes, feminists, civil rights marchers, gay rights advocates, union workers, environmentalists, no-nukes advocates, free thinkers, progressives, forward thinkers, accepting, welcoming, and tolerant people. I have no problem being that and grateful that I can proudly stand up for those beliefs.
  4. Type II Diabetes: Actually I’m not grateful for this, but I am grateful that I don’t have Type I. I am grateful all I have to do for the time being is monitor my carbs and starches, exercise and take a pill. No daily insulin shots or constant monitoring right now. I need to step up what I need to do but I’m in a better position to do so than I was a year ago.
  5. Pinocchio’s Pizza: Growing up in New York City has taught me a lot, including how GOOD pizza is supposed to taste like. I’ve had gourmet pizza too, but I’m talking about the kind in a shop off of St. Marks Street or in Brooklyn Heights you get on the go. I also learned the greatness that is the Sicilian pizza: square, thick dough, lots of cheese and sauce. Growing up in New York has also made me realize other cities don’t do pizza very well; and VERY few actually make Sicilian slices at all. I am glad that I found a little gem around Harvard called Pinocchio’s Pizza & Subs. They almost specialize in Sicilian slices—they’re cheaper on the menu and come in more varieties than the regular slices—and they do them well. I still love Original Ray’s, but in Boston this is as good as pizza gets. I’m grateful I found where to get the good stuff up here.

And we are now officially grasping for straws…

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Changes in Attitute

April 3, 2014

If there’s one thing that diabetes has done for me is to stop beating myself up and take things a day at a time. Never thought that would happen for me but it’s true. Totally having to change my diet to lower my glucose levels is not easy. I’m having some good days but quite a number of bad days too. But usually a bad day escalates over several more days after. So the bagels and chocolates and potato chips and other sweets and carbs continue to pile on and add up pounds and stored up glucose and insulin resistance. Luckily since I spoke to the nurse practitioner and my doctor, I haven’t been so quick to keep piling on how bad I feel with food. I’ve had good days and bad days. The number of bad days and good days are about even, but lately I’m more willing to say tomorrow is another day and act on it. That is a huge sea change for me.

 

I also just started back at the gym this week. Last week I signed up with Work Out World at Porter Square (where the Bally’s gym used to be). $10 a month and the yearly fee comes in in two weeks, so not a bad deal. Starting off slow and trying not to over-binge on exercise (something else I’m good at). My arms are still sore from the first workout (focused on biceps along with 20 minutes of the elliptical), but it’s a good soreness—I keep telling myself that. I’m trying to make this a permanent habit as opposed to something I do for a brief time and then not sustain.

 

Slow and steady, one day at a time. So far it’s sticking and hoping it stays that way.

The Lost week

March 10, 2014

I’ve felt like I’ve been on a bender but not. I had a lot of time where I simply did nothing. Believe me I had stuff to do but avoided it. I felt like all I wanted to do was sleep or watch TV. I was productive in the day job but I did nothing to help me personally.

It’s a reaction I know. Big part of it is learning I now have Type II Diabetes. I had to meet a nurse practitioner to talk about my situation and see what to do about it. They aren’t putting me on insulin yet, which is a bit of a relief. They feel some of the medicine I started taking is helping. Plus they feel it can be reversed if I make changes to lifestyle and diet. I’ve spoken in therapy about my ambivalence to change it; now I don’t have a choice, I have to for serious health reasons. Luckily the NP said start with small changes; don’t try to change everything at once. That’s still tough for me. I’ve always been averse to change even when it’s helpful. Small changes will help, but they are still tough to overcome.

My small start now is to work on increasing protein AS I decrease carbs. A friend said matching protein to a starch worked well for his father’s diabetes. Figured it’s a good first step. I have noticed if I eat more protein in my breakfast, my snacking during the day drops off considerably. The hard part will be chocolate—I am a chocoholic. I am looking at protein bars when I can’t. It’s a start but tough.

Still this week has felt like one big hangover.