No Joy in Mudville

October 18, 2014

Near the beginning of the month, a friend of mine tagged me online to do a 30-day Joy Challenge. This is where you post one thing on Facebook (or Twitter or blog) that brings you joy every day for 30 days. Since I got them to do a 5-day Positivity Challenge, it made sense to tag me for this challenge. But I didn’t think I was ready to do it at that time, but I would try soon. One more step in trying to improve my outlook on things. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized tat there was no way I could do a challenge about joy.

Gratitude is not too hard. Gratitude is about being grateful for the things, people and abilities you have in you life. For every thing I listed in my challenge, I am truly grateful to have and appreciate it every day. But joy is different. Joy is the feeling of happiness or bliss you get from special things, activities and people in your life. It’s internal feeling about external things. The problem is that I haven’t felt truly happy for a long time.

Even when I was bored at my job, still dealing with my daughter’s mother’s abuse and craziness, I was depressed for sure, but there were people, projects and things that could make me happy. I may have been more by-the-numbers, but I could occasionally feel good. Since the 2008 recession, the management trap that cost me a career, and the fallout from that and child court issues, I had all the joy knocked out of me. And it wasn’t all at once; it was a steady constant pressure that squeezed the “life” out of my life. My depression and anxiety didn’t help, but the external triggers were too much and persistent. While I’m nowhere near getting better, I have some perspective to see how it happened.

There are times when I feel some happiness, but not exuberantly enough to call it joy, and certainly not enough to do it for 30 days. I’d like to, but I’d be lying if I said I could do it right now. I don’t take for granted what I have, but it will be some time before I have enough joy inside to do a 30-day joy challenge.


“Marquee” Humor

October 9, 2014

This wasn’t a theater marquee, but I cracked up on sight of this that I had to put in down somewhere. This was the license plate on a Mercedes I saw as I was doing my deliveries:


I hope to GOD that this person has two other cars!!!!!! I bow in respect… Nerdmaste.

Marquee Humor

October 1, 2014

On display this week at the Lexington Venue in Lexington MA:

This Is Where I Leave You
The Trip to Italy

Funny thing is I’ve had dates like this.