The Walking Squarepants

March 18, 2013

I’m watching The Walking Dead at Sophia’s mom’s house last night (I’m not completely caught up on the episodes of season 3, but I’ve read the full compendium of comics so far and it’s a good adaptation). I was in Sophia’s room as Sophia was watching her Disney shows in the living room, but she decided to ignore the shows and play Warriors in her closet (Warriors are the cat clan book series. Look it up here). She couldn’t see my show (luckily), but she could hear it. At the exact moment when the Governor slams the shovel into the head of the zombie on the floor splitting it in half, from the closet Sophia asks:

“Is that Spongebob Sqauarepants?”

After I stopped laughing hysterically, I ask her how she could think I was watching Spongebob? She said she heard someone that sounded like Patrick. Most likely a zombie because I don’t think the Governor sounds like Patrick. Still laughing at that one.

On a side note: is it me or are the Rick and Daryl Walking Dead Bobblehead dolls a bit too much?

Withdrawal

March 16, 2013

There is a process after a traumatic event when people tend to hide away. It’s called withdrawal, a psychological self defense mechanism to keep the psyche from harm. I tend to refer to it as cocooning. To me, in some sense this withdrawal is supposed to be transformative, hence the whole caterpillar/butterfly terminology. The thing is if you stay in that mode for too long, you get stuck there.

I’ve been out of touch with—it feels like—everyone for the last two months, the amount of time since being evicted. I’m not pushing away as much as I’m making no effort whatsoever to reach out or engage friends. It’s both a response to trauma and the subsequent isolation. When you’ve been hurt, you need time to heal, so some withdrawal is natural; but if sustained it becomes isolation. However my reaction to isolation is to further isolate. Call it inertia or masochism but it’s what I do. I was telling myself I need to heal as a knee jerk fear response to engaging. So people don’t really hear from me except from an occasional “like” on Facebook posts.

I’m trying to break out of it now, especially since I now recognize what is happening instead of denying it (which also means I’m not too far gone hopefully). Funny thing is my writing/blogging is affected the same way. Writing is communication and if I’m withdrawing, I’m not communicating. But blogs aren’t always the best way to talk about it. I’m not sure it would be fair to share my life with many unknown readers and not share with my friends of many years. However since writing is my strongest suit, it makes sense to use this as one avenue to reach out to others. Though, yes, I am texting people, too. Baby steps.

My last blog entry was about still having the courage to write. Seeing that it’s been about 5 months since I’ve written anything since then, people may be wondering if I lost my courage. No, no the courage, but definitely the energy. So much is happening that I haven’t had the time to write about it as much to live it.

At the beginning of January, I finally got a second part-time job. I’m an HR recruiter for an insurance agency. It’s the the next town over from the catering delivery job so my commute is an average of 90 minutes each way every day. It’s enough to stabilize things a little, but will have better traction when I start catching up to what I’m paying out (which it’s just starting to now). However that job still came too late to stave off an eviction. I stopped paying rent after I lost the second part time job in the end of August, but it took until January for the management to catch up with things. I know it was time coming, but that doesn’t make it suck any less. I’m basically homeless now, bouncing around friends’ couches, calling shelters (good ones) for beds and hoping my housing advocate can help me. I know JK Rowling wrote and sold her “Harry Potter” series in the UK while homeless. Ignoring the vast disparities between the British and American social safety nets, I don’t have the energy or time to craft a novel. Pardon my selfishness, but I’m thinking about survival only. This means concentrating on finding stable housing, gathering all the documentation needed for the hoops to job through to get said stable housing, and using my writing powers to land that elusive full time job with benefits or wait until one of the part time jobs turns to a full time job. It’s hard that creative writing is on the back burner for now, but that’s how survival goes right now.

The radio show is going okay, even though on a hiatus. Luckily it is right now because the quality suffers if I can’t fully concentrate on writing the hour long show. My main concentration is getting podcasts of my old shows up for people to listen to, marketing those and prepping a book about the time on the air. The podcasts are slow going because i’m trying to budget my time for all I need to do (see everything before this paragraph). I will say the show is one things that has kept me going for all this last year and has been a pleasure to do. I want to transcribe some broadcasts so I can get them and other essays into some e-book format (one way to keep the creative writing alive).

I can’t promise to write an update soon since my life gets crazier every time I do. With all due respect to Yoda, I promise to try to write.